Lapcudnan is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, generous gnu.

Lapcudnan created the Cigar Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapcudnan, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lapcudnan, it will turn you into a puffin.

Lapcudnan's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Lapcudnan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Never chant in the presence of nematodes.

3. Do not dye your hair mauve.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always help dolphins in need.