Haslabcad is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, stupid goat.

Haslabcad created the planet Saturn two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Haslabcad, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Haslabcad, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Haslabcad's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Haslabcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dark matter.

2. Never think about photosynthesis.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.