Ladvanjip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, duplicitous cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Ladvanjip created a down quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ladvanjip, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Ladvanjip, it will curse you with boils.

Ladvanjip's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Ladvanjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always help ducks.

3. Worship no other gods but Ladvanjip.

4. You must pray to Ladvanjip four times a day.

5. Never write about moons.