Jopdunflab Arpvenmabpan Ratvolmob is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, deceitful seal.

Jopdunflab Arpvenmabpan Ratvolmob created Asia two billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopdunflab Arpvenmabpan Ratvolmob, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jopdunflab Arpvenmabpan Ratvolmob, she will remove you from existence.

Jopdunflab Arpvenmabpan Ratvolmob's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Jopdunflab Arpvenmabpan Ratvolmob's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Feed all hungry badgers.

3. Put Jopdunflab Arpvenmabpan Ratvolmob first in all things.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.