Jarnflamjon Vidnighom is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, ill-tempered goose.

Jarnflamjon Vidnighom created water eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnflamjon Vidnighom, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jarnflamjon Vidnighom, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Jarnflamjon Vidnighom's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Jarnflamjon Vidnighom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Always help whales in need.