Kabsaffig is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, sage raccoon.

Kabsaffig created the planet Mars seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Kabsaffig, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kabsaffig, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Kabsaffig's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Kabsaffig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear yellow clothing.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.