Hantofbag is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, unfair lion.

Hantofbag created snails six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hantofbag, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hantofbag, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Hantofbag's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Hantofbag's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention nematodes.

2. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

3. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never paint your chest brown.