Bemgovkad is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, staggering human.

Bemgovkad created the planet Jupiter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemgovkad, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bemgovkad, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Bemgovkad's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Bemgovkad's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near bats.

2. You must never eat bread.

3. Always look after injured eagles.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never talk about quantum gravity near badgers while wearing pink tights and balancing three aluminium spheres on your arms.