Zakgannad is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, boastful scorpion.

Zakgannad created viruses seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakgannad, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zakgannad, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Zakgannad's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Zakgannad's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not wear zinc on your body.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.