Dutbagbum is a god.

He takes the form of a small, tranquil gorilla.

Dutbagbum created a quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Dutbagbum, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Dutbagbum, he will refuse to believe in you.

Dutbagbum's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Dutbagbum's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

2. Never skip in the presence of seals.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not dye your hair pink.

5. Dutbagbum loves ducks, so they must be honoured.