Omtbell is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, amazing goblin.

Omtbell created the planet Jupiter three million years ago.

If you believe in Omtbell, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Omtbell, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Omtbell's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Omtbell's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not drink water in red rooms.

4. Omtbell loves manatees, so they must be respected.

5. Do not listen to music.