Dogbarnwot is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, awesome cat.

Dogbarnwot created oxygen nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dogbarnwot, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dogbarnwot, it will cry a lot.

Dogbarnwot's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Dogbarnwot's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Dogbarnwot.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

5. Birds are unholy and should not be approached.