Satnellwip is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, emotional octopus.

Satnellwip created humankind two million years ago.

If you believe in Satnellwip, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Satnellwip, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Satnellwip's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Satnellwip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never mention gulls.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.