Hogtailpang is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, almighty dingo.

Hogtailpang created vertebrates two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hogtailpang, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hogtailpang, he will turn you into a snail.

Hogtailpang's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Hogtailpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about asteroids.

2. Always make sure there are no otters in a room before entering it.

3. Do not keep four capybaras in a large pit.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Never think about gravity.