Matditved is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, blissful human.

Matditved created water nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Matditved, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Matditved, she will think nothing of it.

Matditved's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Matditved's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Worship no other gods but Matditved.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near turtles while wearing mauve rings and balancing six iron spheres on your legs.