Zenbassyarpfen is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, fussy snail.

Zenbassyarpfen created the universe four years ago.

If you believe in Zenbassyarpfen, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Zenbassyarpfen, she will turn you into a frog.

Zenbassyarpfen's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Zenbassyarpfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zenbassyarpfen.