Lankaparm is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, sapient seal.

Lankaparm created dark energy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lankaparm, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lankaparm, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lankaparm's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Lankaparm's Holy Commandments

1. Mites are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Retreat if nine snakes approach from the north.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Always take life seriously.