Gemguphit is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, selfish tapir.

Gemguphit created the planet Earth five million years ago.

If you believe in Gemguphit, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gemguphit, he will turn you into a hamster.

Gemguphit's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Gemguphit's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in holy places.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.

4. Never talk about nucleic acids.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gemguphit.