Vonyikfet is a god.

It takes the form of a large, fast cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Vonyikfet created carbon five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonyikfet, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vonyikfet, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Vonyikfet's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Vonyikfet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Do not speak about limes.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.