Betvolxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a large, uncaring raven.

Betvolxuck created carbon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Betvolxuck, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Betvolxuck, he will turn you into a snail.

Betvolxuck's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Betvolxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at dwarf planets.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Betvolxuck on top of all buildings.

4. Never feed strawberries to swans while wearing pink scarves.

5. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.