Narlstipmin is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, cheerful gorilla.

Narlstipmin created a charm quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Narlstipmin, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Narlstipmin, he will throw large rocks at you.

Narlstipmin's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Narlstipmin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair fawn.

2. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

3. Never wear turquoise ear rings.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.