Tikbudbog Artquillomtzagnad is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, sapient guinea pig.

Tikbudbog Artquillomtzagnad created the planet Saturn nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikbudbog Artquillomtzagnad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tikbudbog Artquillomtzagnad, he will cry a lot.

Tikbudbog Artquillomtzagnad's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Tikbudbog Artquillomtzagnad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Never wear yellow trousers.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never bounce in the presence of monkeys.

5. Never eat bark.