Bellquimhiv is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witless fly.

Bellquimhiv created the Sol system eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bellquimhiv, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bellquimhiv, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Bellquimhiv's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Bellquimhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet mauve.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Learn six new languages a year.

4. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. You must never eat melons.