Figgepren is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, fast mole.

Figgepren created tapeworms nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Figgepren, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Figgepren, she will turn you into a slug.

Figgepren's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Figgepren's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine lead sculptures of Figgepren on top of important buildings.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Figgepren loves foxes, so they must be respected.

4. Never look at black holes.

5. Never eat green fruit.