Bemwatham is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, wise slug.

Bemwatham created gold three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bemwatham, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Bemwatham, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Bemwatham's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Bemwatham's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat aubergines.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never feed lentils to ants while wearing rings.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never play with disobedient children.