Carlabyokhom is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, all-knowing spider.

Carlabyokhom created a photon three billion years ago.

If you believe in Carlabyokhom, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Carlabyokhom, he will boil you in a big pot.

Carlabyokhom's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Carlabyokhom's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from violet snakes, for they are unholy.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always help pigs.