Hogtabpon is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, idiotic armadillo.

Hogtabpon created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogtabpon, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Hogtabpon, she will strike you with lightening.

Hogtabpon's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Hogtabpon's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed onions to pigs while wearing mauve dresses.

2. Never bounce in holy places.

3. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never paint your hands indigo.

5. Do not hurt turtles.