Hakpodnut is a god.

It takes the form of a large, fast monkey.

Hakpodnut created Europe three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakpodnut, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hakpodnut, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Hakpodnut's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Hakpodnut's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate geese.

2. Put Hakpodnut first in all things.

3. Do not consume melons at dawn.

4. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

5. Never think about thermodynamics.