Artdodteen is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, emotional seal.

Artdodteen created a photon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Artdodteen, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Artdodteen, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Artdodteen's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Artdodteen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Never talk about turtles.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. You must never eat corn.