Bonkmitvan is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, capable dingo.

Bonkmitvan created humankind four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkmitvan, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bonkmitvan, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Bonkmitvan's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Bonkmitvan's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

3. Never think about dark energy near doves while wearing red coats and balancing four iron spheres on your chest.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.