Tinmintof is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, witless faun.

Tinmintof created the Whirlpool Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tinmintof, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tinmintof, she will turn you into a dog.

Tinmintof's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Tinmintof's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tinmintof.

3. Never mention aardvarks.

4. Hide from green geese for they are unholy.

5. Never eat green fruit.