Timwiktip is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, self-assured skunk.

Timwiktip created humankind three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timwiktip, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Timwiktip, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Timwiktip's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Timwiktip's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Timwiktip in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never talk about chlorophyll.

4. Always help sheep in need.

5. Never think about dark matter.