Hattonkam is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, selfish manatee.

Hattonkam created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hattonkam, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Hattonkam, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Hattonkam's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Hattonkam's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always obey Hattonkam's priests.

3. You must pray to Hattonkam seven times a day.

4. Do not wear iron on your body.

5. Never talk about optics near mice while wearing mauve corsets.