Quatpakvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unselfish mouse.

Quatpakvonk created a bottom quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quatpakvonk, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quatpakvonk, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Quatpakvonk's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Quatpakvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Quatpakvonk in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Hide from brown capybaras for they are unholy.

5. Never talk about asteroids.