Artnibmap is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, contented seal.

Artnibmap created energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Artnibmap, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Artnibmap, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Artnibmap's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Artnibmap's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick porpoises.

2. Never talk about photosynthesis.

3. Never jump near turtles.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.