Garteentag is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, humane mink.

Garteentag created matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Garteentag, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Garteentag, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Garteentag's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Garteentag's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

2. Never sprint near nematodes.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Erect a large gold sculpture of Garteentag on top of all buildings.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.