Pitfutken Tettihamced is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, wise whale.

Pitfutken Tettihamced created Mount Everest five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitfutken Tettihamced, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Pitfutken Tettihamced, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Pitfutken Tettihamced's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Pitfutken Tettihamced's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms turquoise.

2. Never look at dwarf planets.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate birds.

5. Do not listen to music.