Barnspagbeg is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, bad-tempered cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Barnspagbeg created a top quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnspagbeg, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Barnspagbeg, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Barnspagbeg's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Barnspagbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep seven cats in a large pit.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Grasshopers are not to be trusted.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near rats while wearing magenta jumpers.

5. Do not commit murder.