Ben is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, temperamental hedgehog.

Ben created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ben, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ben, she will have a low opinion of you.

Ben's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Ben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never talk about special relativity.

4. Put Ben first in all things.

5. Never talk about eagles.