Flapgupkan is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, narcissistic porpoise.

Flapgupkan created tapeworms five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapgupkan, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flapgupkan, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Flapgupkan's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Flapgupkan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

2. Do not wear mauve clothing.

3. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flapgupkan.

5. Dolphins are not to be trusted.