Jonlitsom is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, capable gorilla.

Jonlitsom created a down quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonlitsom, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jonlitsom, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Jonlitsom's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Jonlitsom's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear cyan corsets.

2. Erect six tin sculptures of Jonlitsom on top of important buildings.

3. Always obey Jonlitsom's priests.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.