Gonvilbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, charitable dog.

Gonvilbarn created viruses three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonvilbarn, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Gonvilbarn, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Gonvilbarn's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Gonvilbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near eagles while wearing purple shoes and balancing nine titanium spheres on your chest.

2. Never sing near aardvarks.

3. Gonvilbarn loves manatees, so they must be honoured.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Fast once a month.