Paslunyik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish hippopotamus.

Paslunyik created a Higgs boson eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Paslunyik, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Paslunyik, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Paslunyik's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Paslunyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not trade with those who eat beans.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Never feed aubergines to manatees while wearing trousers.

5. Never eat green fruit.