Fasshavtipkon Lanxinlop is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, stupid fish.

Fasshavtipkon Lanxinlop created the Small Magellanic Cloud four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fasshavtipkon Lanxinlop, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fasshavtipkon Lanxinlop, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Fasshavtipkon Lanxinlop's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Fasshavtipkon Lanxinlop's Holy Commandments

1. Fasshavtipkon Lanxinlop loves grasshopers, so they must be honoured.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never think about solid mechanics near manatees while wearing mauve shirts and balancing nine aluminium spheres on your feet.

4. Never wear shorts.

5. Never feed nuts to squirrels while wearing orange tights.