Battaltam is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, confident pig.

Battaltam created a Higgs boson seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Battaltam, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Battaltam, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Battaltam's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Battaltam's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear blue ear rings.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Hide if eight squirrels approach from the east.

4. Put Battaltam first in all things.

5. Do not drink alcohol.