Flapvadmis is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, slow monkey.

Flapvadmis created snails six million years ago.

If you believe in Flapvadmis, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flapvadmis, she will turn you into a mole.

Flapvadmis' most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Flapvadmis' Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near doves while wearing purple shorts and balancing nine gold spheres on your back.

3. Never paint your chest magenta.

4. You must pray to Flapvadmis eight times a day.

5. You must never eat pineapples.