Nanzansawxemlimcimmatciss is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, stupid mongoose.

Nanzansawxemlimcimmatciss created snails five million years ago.

If you believe in Nanzansawxemlimcimmatciss, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nanzansawxemlimcimmatciss, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Nanzansawxemlimcimmatciss' most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Nanzansawxemlimcimmatciss' Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of gulls.

2. Put Nanzansawxemlimcimmatciss first in all things.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not take Nanzansawxemlimcimmatciss' name in vain.

5. Hide from mauve ants for they are unholy.