Nurtmifjip Kampomlarg is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, deceitful penguin.

Nurtmifjip Kampomlarg created an atom eight million years ago.

If you believe in Nurtmifjip Kampomlarg, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Nurtmifjip Kampomlarg, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Nurtmifjip Kampomlarg's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Nurtmifjip Kampomlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from turquoise grasshopers, for they are unholy.

2. Nurtmifjip Kampomlarg must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Gulls are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never paint your chest fawn.

5. Hide from violet porpoises for they are unholy.