Gartomquill is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, egotistical slug.

Gartomquill created an electron two million years ago.

If you believe in Gartomquill, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gartomquill, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Gartomquill's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Gartomquill's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

3. Always help shrews.

4. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in orange.

5. Never wear dresses.