Tamsafquim is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, annoying faun.

Tamsafquim created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamsafquim, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tamsafquim, he will destroy your home planet.

Tamsafquim's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Tamsafquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed coconuts to hamsters while wearing green ear rings.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not take Tamsafquim's name in vain.

4. Dogs are not to be trusted.

5. Do not dye your hair fawn.